You may have heard about the “fuck yes or no” theory in relation to dating. It says that if someone’s reaction to being with you is anything less than a fuck yes, the actual answer is no because why would you want to be with someone who’s not excited to be with you? And visa versa if your reaction to being with someone is anything less than a fuck yes.
It’s great dating advice, but it also applies to everything else in life too.
The important of letting “fuck yes or no” guide your decisions in life
Why would you want to spend time doing things that don’t make you excited? Interacting with others (in a non-relationship sense) who aren’t excited about that interaction?
If your reaction, or others’ reactions to you, are anything less than a fuck yes chances are if you carry on with that particular course of action anyway it isn’t going to make you very happy.
Fuck yes or no applies to every decision or interaction we have, whether it’s a seemingly insignificant small decision that won’t have long-lasting consequences or one that will have a longer-term effect.
Even the small decisions matter because at the end of the day our most limited resource in life is time. And when we say yes to things that we’re not excited about but just do anyway we waste that precious time.
How many times have you found yourself going along to some event even though you didn’t want to and then not enjoying yourself anyway since you never wanted to be there in the first place and are counting down the time till it’s acceptable for you to leave? Well what was the point in that? Sure you showed up but unless you were properly engaged in and enjoying the activity chances are you wasted your time by going in the first place and would have been far better off saving yourself for something else you do really want to do.
I listened to an interview with Derek Sivers, founder of CD baby, a while ago who lives by the fuck yes or no principle (although I think he’s a little more PC than me and calls it “Hell yeah or no“). He said people always email him saying “I know you must be really busy but could you…” but actually, even though he has a number of extremely successful ventures, he’s not really busy at all. He’s got plenty of time. And he’s got that time because he only says yes to the things he is really excited about. He doesn’t spend time doing things he’s lukewarm or unsure about and as a result has lots of time to dedicate to the things that really do get him excited.
It can be financially rewarding to wait for a fuck yes from others too. I was once offered a job where the offer was £5k below the top end of the pay bracket they had advertised. I asked my recruiter if they would go up to that amount and she said no, so I turned the job down. My recruiter thought I was crazy, it was a good job, and no matter what I said she was convinced I’d turned it down because I so desperately wanted that £5k. But that wasn’t the reason. I turned it down because clearly they weren’t excited enough about me if they weren’t willing to go to the higher end of the budget they had. And I want whoever I work for to be excited about me working for them just as I want to be excited about working for them. I don’t want them just to have picked me because “I’ll do”, I want them to be really want me, because that will effect how I’m treated once I start the job.
And you know what the result of me holding out for that fuck yes was? I found an even better role and didn’t just get that extra £5k, I got an extra £20k.
Waiting for the fuck yes pays.
But it is time that is the most valuable thing you will gain. Both because it will mean you say no to more things but also because it will help speed up your decision making process.
I’m dreadful at making decisions and can waste hours wondering about whether I should do something or not but if I take a step back for a second and ask myself honestly if it’s a fuck yes, it makes it remarkably easy to then make the decision.
How many hours of your life have you lost trying to make difficult decisions? Or how many times have you found yourself in situations lamenting the fact that you will never get that time back and shouldn’t have gone in the first place?
That’s why I love the fuck yes or no theory, it stops this from happening.
Forget about maybe.
Fuck yes or no.